Leaving
I never planned to leave church. It seemed then there’s no longer a reason to attend church. Attending church had become a duty, not of joy. Gradually, I stopped attending church altogether.
Wandering
For more than a year, I led a wandering life. I thought I could live without God, without church, without the bible. Indeed I lived and survived, yet there was no joy and no peace. Life was but a barren desert, without purpose or meaning. A life composed of sin and denial. I lived a life on my own principles, made my choices and almost stepped into a broken relationship. Try as I might, there was no breakthrough. There was nothing but despair and pride, the world rotated around me, to satisfy this void only He can fill.
Back
A life without God is but a broken jar. There’s void in everyone’s life and we know it. Some of us avoid it, some of us deny it, yet others reject the idea because man wants to be strong, to be independent and aggressive. To reveal this void and vulnerability is a sign of weakness. We all need to attend church regularly, though imperfect, it is the place with godly influence and to seek answers only He can give. I saw a need to chisel my potential, to develop a godly character, and a fulfilling life.
Surprises
2006 has been an exciting year. I summed it up and thank God for surprises in my life. It’s amazing how God seeks me out from everyone else. Not by chance but by choice. Took me by the hand round and round an endless cycle, to realize I’m still standing where I was. Beyond understanding are His ways to answer individual prayers and needs we all hold. Send me an awesome mentor, reconciled past friendships and gave me the best gift ever.
Foundation
Being around after listening to people from different walks of life, I realized one truth, without God nothing gets right. Broken relationships, misunderstood friendships, shattered dreams and issues rotate around me, me and still me. There may be moments of joy and happiness, satisfaction and even peace but they never last. With Christ, I see reconciliation, because of love the world exists.
I’ve decided to commit and build my first brick again, for it is the minimal foundation that sets everything into place. Without the right foundation, anything built on fragile grounds falls apart.
Past
The grass is always greener on the other side. I’ve never really got out of my past shell. Academic is a regret I’m facing even today. Discipline and persevere tugs my mind each day. In other areas, I’ve failed to meet people’s expectations and handled relationships irresponsibly. Sometimes I wonder if its year 2001, before everything began.
“Come to terms with your past”
Conclusion
Caijie’s words rang like a loud trumpet in my mind.
“I’m really thankful to be able to help nurse your restoration. From where you were to where you are now and to where you will be.”
It’s amazing how the lessons flow in sequence; come back, let go and onward.
Alas, I conclude this episode with this;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:6.
